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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

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Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

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Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

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